Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
