Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
