he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
