thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
