im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
