My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
