they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
