By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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