I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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