And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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