tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
why is half of my head shaved?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
