Where are you?
In a non slutty way
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
