i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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