I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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