I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
