Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
