Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
