Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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