So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
