Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
