Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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