"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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