Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
