How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You are the jesus of drinking
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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