So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
