it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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