Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just googled if crying burns calories
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
