You just made me feel so damn special
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
