I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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