So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
