yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
