she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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