We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
