Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
