I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
whose ass print is on the piano?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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