Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
