Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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