are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
