I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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