He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
