I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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