So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
