the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
