Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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