I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
