great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
