You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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