It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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