Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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