It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
