using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
