She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
