Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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