So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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