smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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